Your tits are I can't wait for
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
