kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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