My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
