There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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