By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
