Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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