She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
