I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
