the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
