sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Alive.
So much puke
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
