I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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