I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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