Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
