Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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