you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
