it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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