too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
