when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
