im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
