Small penises have feelings too.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
