I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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