R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Pants 0. Shit 1.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Holy shit dude........stairs
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