i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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