Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
