i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
