I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
