I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish you could order shots online.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
