to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
