Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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