Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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