genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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