How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
