Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
