He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
