i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
