do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
