He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
