Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can I color on your dick again?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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