Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
