I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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