Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
