Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
