So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
40s are totally the cure
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
