There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
