All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
