I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
