nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
