ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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