just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
