you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
