can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
