My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
