I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
