I want to make a zoo with you.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
