The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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