Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
