Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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