Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
