I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
